It’s getting really close now to holiday time, which means many of us are scrambling to finish up that shopping. But before you put that kitchen gadget into the shopping cart for Mom, hear me out for just a minute. What moms really want may not be exactly what you think.
Holiday time is stressful for moms. There’s the present wrapping, chasing down batteries, protecting the Christmas decorations from the dog, and schlepping out of bed at 2am when she realizes she forgot to move the darn elf, or eat the Santa cookies. Plus, those icicles have been known to kill people!
Get the mom in your life something that relieves some of that stress.
But first, here’s what NOT to get!
Sure, mom will love and appreciate anything you give her. She’ll get tears in her eyes when the kids give her an ornament made of gingerbread. She’ll appreciate the foot massager or the blender you saw in the center aisle of Walmart when you were desperately searching for something on Christmas Eve. She’ll even smile if you copy the “Oh-but-you-LOVE-scarves” routine Professor Snape does for Emma Thompson every year on Love actually (does anyone actually remember the real names of those two characters?).
But what moms really want is actually quite easy:
Moms just want a TRUE break!
Now this may immediately bring up magical ideas that you can promise for the day after Christmas, but beware – here’s how some of those ideas might actually go…
Extra hours of sleep:
It’s 6am, and visions of sugarplums dance through Mom’s sleeping head. She snuggles down in the covers as the first rays of morning light come creeping through the window:
But suddenly, there will arise such a clatter, as the pitter-patter of tiny feet head for the bedroom. She’ll hear the creak of the bed, the lethargic shuffle of adult feet and the “Leave mom alone! She’s sleeping in!”, followed by a muffled whiny request and an “I don’t know where that is! We’ll have to ask mom when she wakes up.” Finally, she’ll spring from the bed when she hears “No, just leave it. We’ll clean the rug later.” Sleep done.
Breakfast in bed:
Isn’t that a sweet idea? The whole family is getting together to make mom breakfast. Except it’s not likely to look like this:
Instead, one kid volunteers to measure out the pancake mix, and sings Let it Snow as she tosses it around. The other one will beg to crack the eggs – into tiny little shards that will later stick in Mom’s teeth as she smiles through the little crunchy surprises in her breakfast.
Both kids will beam as they serve mom a side of spaghetti drenched in syrup, like they saw on their favorite movie. After she emerges from the sugar coma, Mom will discover that the kitchen has been transformed into a winter wonderland, with flour stuck to the sticky syrupy surfaces and glistening icicles of egg white, drip drip dripping from the countertops.
Another coupon book promising to do the dishes, fold the laundry, or clean the house:
Those home-made gift certificates stapled into a cute little book can be adorable.
But let’s be honest – unless this gift is coming from her young child (in which case, cue the teary eyes again), you might as well get her a one-year membership to the jelly of the month club. Probably the dog will eat the coupons at some point, or they’ll get lost in the sea of wrapping paper she’s diligently siphoning from the room. And really, she would probably never trade them in anyway.
So let’s talk about the kind of gifts that Moms really dream of:
Option 1: A day home alone without the kids.
Sure, moms love to spend time with their kids, but rarely do they get a minute alone to do the simple things, like shower or go to the bathroom, without fists banging on the door and screams of “Mamaaaaa!”. Take the kids. Take the dogs. Heck, take the loud nextdoor neighbor. Just give her the gift of total peace and quiet.
The mom in your life will swoon at the idea of drinking her morning coffee right after it drips out, without having to heat it 10 times over! She might actually get to read a book or (gasp!) watch something on TV other than Caillou!
Option 2: Send her away!
Have a little more money to spend? Send Mom to a hotel room in town for the night or (even better) the weekend. There she’ll have clean crisp sheets that she didn’t have to launder. She’ll have a spotless room that she didn’t have to clean. She’ll have the entire bed to herself, without any little kid arms and legs invading her space.
Don’t have money for a hotel? No problem! Send her off for the day with an offer of babysitting!
A word of caution – if you let her come home to a house of chaos with a carpet of toys and drawings on the walls, you might just activate the momma Grinch.
Option 3: Pamper her with a gift certificate for the spa – with a twist!
Ok, you’ll find this one on a million websites, but my suggestion here is different in one critical way: if you send her off to experience full relaxation, there are other things you have to do to allow her to truly achieve that full relaxation.
If a mom has to wedge the massage in between cleaning the house, taking the kid to gymnastics, grocery shopping, and cooking dinner, it won’t work. She’ll just spend the whole massage thinking about all the things she’ll have to do later because she took this time out for herself.
Instead, give her the gift certificate and tell her “Enjoy the afternoon at the spa, and when you get home, the shopping will be done and dinner will be on the table.” She’ll hear the angels sing.
Option 4: Give her that kitchen gadget, but then use it to make her something!
Kitchen gadgets are actually great gifts because they usually make the process of meal prep easier on a daily basis. This instant pot has saved dinner for me more than once.
Instant Pot Duo 60 321 Electric Pressure Cooker, 6-QT, Stainless Steel/Black
Note: As an Amazon associate, I may stand to profit if you by products from links in this post.
But when a mom opens that Instant pot or food processor for Christmas, she probably doesn’t want to pop it right open and start cooking with it on Christmas morning.
If you give her the Instant pot and then use it to cook her a special recipe that you’ve planned, it comes out as a thoughtful “here’s something I want to do for you” rather than a “Here you go woman. Get in the kitchen!”.
Option 5: Give the gift of deep cleaning.
Listen in on any group of moms and you’ll hear them commiserating about how they don’t have enough time in the day to keep the house as clean as they’d like. Kids are like little Tasmanian devils, spreading clouds of dirt everywhere they go. While you clean one area, the kids dismantle another one behind you. And if your car isn’t filled with half chewed McDonald’s french fries that never seem to degrade, have you even experienced motherhood?
Surprise mom with a nice deep clean that she doesn’t have to do herself. A one day professional clean (for the house and/or the car) is great. And if you want to go over the top, offer to help her clean before they clean, because trust me, she’ll worry about that. Strapped for cash? Send her on a hike or to a coffee shop and do the deep clean for her yourself.
Option 6: Give her a chance to rediscover herself.
When you’re chasing kids around, trying to get them to school on time, and managing all the other responsibilities in your life, it’s easy to lose a little bit of who you were before you had kids. We moms find ourselves living in leggings, throwing our hair up in messy buns, and giving our lashes the quickest swipe of mascara before heading out the door. We own these changes, but those fun nights of getting all dressed up and going out with the girls are a distant dream.
For the mom in your life, you could plan an outing with her friends that includes a makeover or a waxing session, followed by a night on the town. It could be just what a mom needs to rekindle a little of who she is outside of motherhood.
Option 7: Give her a full day of NO decisions.
Still thinking about that coupon book idea? Want something that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg? Give a mom a pass for a full day with no decisions.
One of the most exhausting things about being a mom is the sheer quantity of decisions that have to be made in a given day. Many times when people offer to help mom, the question they ask is “what would you like me to help with?” You just gave her one more decision!
Instead, say “Go relax. I’ve got this” and take the reins. Clean the spill on the floor before she points it out. Dig through the laundry pile for the kids’ clothes instead of asking her where they are.
For that short period of time, make her feel like she is not responsible for the survival of humanity as we know it.
So what’s the take home?
Expensive gifts for mom are nice, but what she’ll cherish the most are gifts that show her that all she does is appreciated. Moms are often the glue that makes the holidays magical for everyone in the family. Give her a little magic this holiday season by showing her you know exactly what she needs.
