Today is the first day of the new year, and the most common resolutions for moms out there tend to be things like exercising, eating better, being a better friend, putting down the phone, or spending less money.
All of these are commendable efforts to improve onesself. But notice that all of them assume that you’re somehow not good enough already!
As moms, we tend to be way too critical of ourselves and how we are doing. We run around all year working hard, making healthy food that our kids may or may not eat, stretching the limits of time to get them where they need to be when they need to be there. Then New Year’s day rolls around, and we suddenly decide that none of that was enough, that we need to do more and be better, that somehow tightening the waistline will be the magic fix.
What if we instead made resolutions that empower us to love ourselves and our lives more?
What if we instead chose resolutions that would allow us to actually be happier with what we have and who we are right now?
1. Be proud of all the seemingly small things you’ve accomplished each day.
Sure, maybe the laundry didn’t get folded for the third day in a row. Maybe little Jimmy got in trouble three times this week for throwing spitballs at the back of his teacher’s head. And perhaps you had to send little Jasmine to school in a paper bag with eyes because you forgot that today was costume day. It is really easy to focus on the negatives, the things that you may perceive as small (or maybe sometimes large) failures.
But this week, maybe you also got your picky toddler to try broccoli, and she liked it! You got the kids out of their dead sleep, got their little waving octopus arms dressed, and pushed them out the car door before the morning school bell, every day this week! And yesterday, after your busiest day at work, you remembered to ask your oldest child about how his basketball tryout went, and he smiled the rest of the night because of it.
There are SO MANY behind the scenes type things that moms do for their kids every single day. Yet, we forget to celebrate those small accomplishments. Make it a resolution to remember that you, as a mom, are the fabric that makes up your kid’s lives.
The decorations on the fabric are great and all, but the fabric, itself, is THE most important part, and will likely be your biggest accomplishment when all is said and done.
2. Live according to your values
At least once per day, I look around my house and worry that it isn’t clean enough, because my mom kept the house absolutely spotless when I was growing up. I wonder, “what would she think if she saw this mess”. Really, I’d rather just sit down and make the mess with them sometimes.
Occasionally, I catch myself urging my 7 year old to change out of her chosen outfit, just because it “looks weird”. I think to myself, “what if her teachers think I don’t know how to dress my child?”. But if I’m truly honest, a part of me wishes that I was courageous enough to go to work in striped leggings with polka dot knee socks too!
Instead of worrying about what others will think, we need to live according to our own values. And that means that we first need to define them. Grab a piece of paper and write a list of what your values are.
If cleanliness truly is a main value of yours, go ahead and clean your house! But what else is on that list?
If I need to let the house be dirty for a day to enjoy some of that life with my kids, fine! If encouraging my kid to be her authentic self means letting her go to school in clothes that don’t match by any stretch of the imagination, so be it! A critical resolution for moms is to live according to what we think is most important. We have the power to make our own choices based on what means the most to us.
3. Ask for and accept help when you need it.
Let’s be honest. None of us do this enough. When we signed up for the job of MOM, the fine print under the title said “Wonder Woman”, right? Being a mom means that we can and do take care of everyone. And we tend to think that we somehow aren’t doing our jobs if we have to ask for help.
But part of strength is knowing when to ask for help. Sometimes letting someone else pick up the kids one day, do some of the chores, or help you by simply giving you a break can help to make you a better, stronger mom, and a happier you overall. Make a resolution to admit to yourself and those around you that you need some help once in awhile.
3. Adopt a practice that you do solely for you
This can be an elaborate hobby or a workout schedule or a diet, but it can also be something super simple, like reading a book once in awhile. Yes, your main priority is now to keep little humans alive, and there is no minimizing that. I love that part of my life now, and I would never ever give it up for anything.
But remember that you were someone besides that before those kids came along, and you will be again when they fledge from the nest. One of the important but often overlooked resolutions for moms is to remind yourself once in awhile of those parts that are lying quiescent right now. Do something that gives you a break from the pressures of raising kids.
You DO deserve it! No matter how many spitballs Jimmy shot this week (and even if you secretly laughed a little when he told you about it).
3. Empower and help other moms
A couple of years ago, I was in Toys R’ Us with my kids, and my then 2 year old threw THE most EPIC of tantrums. I think it had something to do with the color of her socks.
Many heads turned our way as the shrieks got louder and louder. As she started to spasm on the floor, another mom with an older kid rolled over to me with her cart and said “You’ve got this mom. You’re doing great. It gets better”.
My eyes welled up at the sudden support, and I crouched down to comfort my child who, quite frankly, had no real control over her emotions at that moment. What that woman said was exactly what I needed to get through that moment.
We must eliminate the days of mom cliques, judging eyes, and whispering behind backs. Let’s own the mom buns, and the dirty cars, and the store-bought cupcakes for the school bake sale!
In times not so long ago, women used to live in groups. They would hold (and even nurse!) each other’s kids. Back then, a mom didn’t have to worry about another mom turning her in for letting her kid play in the yard, because that mom would instead watch her kid while her back was turned.
One of the most important resolutions for moms is to vow not to shake our heads at other moms when they’re having a bad day, to instead lend a helping hand when we see a struggling mom. Working together as a band of superhero moms makes us so much more powerful.
What’s the Take-Home?
These 5 resolutions to moms are not designed to make us look better, work better, or to make us better mothers or friends for other people to see or interact with. They’re designed to make us happier people that recognize all of the good that we bring into the lives of our kids and our families.
Maybe by appreciating our own accomplishments, asking for help, recognizing that we deserve a little time for ourselves, and together generating a village of supportive moms around us, we will in fact be helping ourselves to look better, work better, and make us better mothers and friends. Positive change starts from within, and radiates outward. You can start by believing that you ARE enough, just as you are!
Wishing all of you a fabulous start to the new year!
